Family Christmas Party

Traits of Successful Adoptive Families

I ran across this article posted on the Focus on the Family website. It's filled with encouragement and hope for those of us still learning and growing through the adjustment stages. I want to share it in hopes it will encourage someone else:

Traits of Successful Adoptive Families

By Debi A. Grebenik, Ph.D.

The adoption journey is resplendent with unforeseen detours, mountaintop experiences, formidable challenges — and magnificent views of God's grace all along the way. Without preparation, this journey can be more than challenging. With awareness and planning, the journey can be one that promotes growth, blessings and healing for all involved. Here are a few things you will need for a successful adoption journey.

The adoption journey begins with a commitment for life. Similar to the vows taken in marriage, the adoption process demands commitment in sickness and in health, and for richer or for poorer. Adoptive parents must begin their journey faithfully and fearlessly. As the apostle James exhorts: "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him" (James 1:12). As adoptive parents stay the course and complete the journey, they experience the blessings that God promises.

The adoption journey is a walk by faith and must be approached with the same faithful attitudes and fearless abandon that God requires of every aspect of your Christian walk. Faith is imperative. In Exodus 14:13-14, soon after the people of Israel escaped from Egypt, they questioned Moses and God as they faced the fear of their imminent death in the desert. "Do not be afraid," Moses answered them, "Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" (Exodus 14:13-14). You, too, may experience difficult times when you wonder why God has brought you on this journey. From the very beginning, adoptive parents must acknowledge their fears, embrace a fearless love, stand firm and still and trust God.

What does it take to embrace a fearless love? You began your journey of adoption with a heart of love, of course, focused on the child who was to come into your home. You prepared your home, your family and your finances — but perhaps without looking at your own heart first. Yet this internal journey is a crucial part of the process that cannot be overlooked.

Real love allows you as the adoptive parent to examine your own fears. Only in your confrontation of these fears can a fearless love be grown. It takes courage to ask those difficult questions about the fears that reside deep within your spirit. "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love" (1 John 4:18).

As we lay our fears at the feet of Jesus, He is able to love us with His perfect love, and out of that overflow we can love our children unconditionally.

Your faith is what gives you this foundation of love and commitment, coupled with the model of selflessness that parenting demands. We know from Scripture that "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress" (James 1:27). For many, perhaps even you, adoption — looking after orphans — is a direct expression of personal faith and obedience to God.

Without this foundational faith as part of the journey, you may end up on a detour as you attempt to implement the world's wisdom. With a heart of faith you can find the wisdom that God desires to give you as a parent to your particular child.

You may encounter unplanned and unexpected obstacles in your journey as your child exhibits manipulation, defiance, aggression, depression and other challenging behaviors. Unconditional love provides the highway for this journey. You need faith in a loving Father so that you can love your adopted children in their healing journey.

Faith is staying power when love wanes. It enables you to see your children's needs from God's perspective and — despite various stressors and distractions — successfully stay in the journey for the long haul.

Thanksgiving Photos

Thankful for family!

Thankful for what I am learning...

I am thankful for so many things. These past few months as we have begun to mold into a new family have been filled with so many emotions... ups and downs, joys and tears. I am thankful for them all because I have learned so much about God's love for me. I use to think I understood grace... I know what that is now. I used to think I understood God's unconditional love... I know more of what that is now. I understand that the expectation of perfection is from the enemy... this expectation robs us of our joys, peace and purpose. 

Here are some more things I am learning:

You say: 'It's impossible' 

God says: All things are possible 

(Luke 18:27)

You say: 'I'm too tired' 
God says: I will give you rest 
(Matthew 11:28-30) 

You say: 'Nobody really loves me' 
God says: I love you 
(John 3:1 6 & John 3:34 ) 

You say: 'I can't go on' 
God says: My grace is sufficient
(II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

You say: 'I can't figure things out' 
God says: I will direct your steps 
(Proverbs 3:5-6) 

You say: 'I can't do it' 
God says: You can do all things 
( Philippians 4:13) 

You say: 'I'm not able' 
God says: I am able 
(II Corinthians 9:8) 

You say: 'It's not worth it'
God says: It will be worth it 
(Roman 8:28 ) 

You say: 'I can't forgive my self' 
God says: I Forgive you 
(I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1) 

You say: 'I can't manage' 
God says: I will supply all your needs 
( Philippians 4:19) 

You say: 'I'm afraid' 
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear 
(II Timothy 1:7) 

You say: 'I'm always worried and frustrated' 
God says: Cast all your cares on ME 
(I Peter 5:7) 

You say: 'I'm not smart enough' 
God says: I give you wisdom 
(I Corinthians 1:30) 

You say: 'I feel all alone' 
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you 
(Hebrews 13:5)

My grandmother's favorite Bible verse sits on my desk and reminds me daily of how God is in all of the details of my life. For this I am so thankful! Thank you Lord for the family you have given me!

"We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28

Happy Thanksgiving!

We have two 13 year olds!

Last week Noah turned 13! We now have two 13 year olds in the house! We celebrated by going to dinner with grandma and papa. Noah chose Joe's Crab Shack where he could order a "Bucket of Crab Legs" (I was hoping he would choose McDonald's or Pizza Hut as his birthday dinner choice, but he has sophisticated tastes!). After dinner, we returned home for cake and ice cream and presents. Check out this awesome Rainbow cake I saw on another families blog.... it was so much fun to make and to eat! (Here is the recipe link: rainbow cake). Happy Birthday, Noah!

Soccer!

Eva loves soccer and has asked to play on a team since arriving to our house. We found the perfect solution: an indoor co-ed team of 13 year olds that plays once a week. Eva's plays midfield for her team called the Vicious Fishes. She is really fast and dad is already encouraging her to go our for the school track team this spring!

Pumpkin Time!

Today we got our pumpkins and carved them... Eva's first pumpkin carving experience!

Gladney Humanitarian Aid Video

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We are grateful to our adoption agency, Gladney, and to the individual people who work for Gladney, for all they did to help our daughter come home and to facilitate and care for our daughter during her transition into our family.

If you feel your heart being called to help the orphans of this world, there are so many ways you can get involved to make a difference.... the need is too great to ignore.

"The place where God calls us to... is where our hearts deepest gladness meets the world's greatest need."

Orphan Sunday from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

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Our Newest Blessing

Eva has been with our family for one month today! She has blessed our family in so many ways. I am so proud of her, Nathan and Noah for how everyone is adjusting. We love you, Sweetie... you are amazing!

My Three Blessings

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God."
~ I John 4:7

Family Photo Shoot

My dear friend, Julie, offered to take some family photos of us this past Sunday at the park. We had so much fun! Thank you, Julie for the wonderful gift!

Freed to Visit Orphans (Ethiopia)

"Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their afflication, and to keep oneself unstained from the world." JAMES 1:27

The word for "visit" in James 1:27 means "to look after, care for."

Our First Week Together!

It's hard to believe that Eva has been with us for week... it seems like we have been together much longer! We love her so much... she has come into our lives like a burst of sunshine. She has a contagious laugh and the biggest smile that lights up a room. We have nicknamed her "Sweetie".

Eva loves to cook and I am so excited about that! I also love to cook, so together we have been making Ethiopian food (we even found some teff at a store and tried to make some authentic Injera, but it was a dark teff and the injera was too heavy. I think we will stick with the flour + wheat flour version.) I was surprised how she has remembered recipes and quickly put together the most delicious wat (spicy and good!). She makes great scrambled eggs with onion, and she loves raw jalapeños with salt. We've made cookies and homemade pizza, too.

Eva is a great hair braider and stylist! She has braided Noah's hair and last night braided mine... I've never had cornrows in my hair, but I really like them! She has this great technique that she said the girls in Kechene discovered for their hair: she boils flax seeds until a goo or gel forms and then puts that on small stands of hair and wraps that hair around her finger until a cute bouncy curl appears... it's so cute! (see photo above)

She also likes swimming! We have been to a nearby lake and she has even gone fishing with her brother and cousins. She loves, loves, loves music! And she is great with technology... she says she would like to be a computer teacher someday. She is a beautiful and sweet girl who has blessed our lives in so many ways. We thank God for sending us our daughter!

Our New Daughter, Eva Hiwot Gary

We arrived in Fort Worth, Texas Friday night and met our daughter, Eva, first thing Saturday morning! We are in love with her! She is such a sweetheart!

It's Official... we have a daughter!

This has been a very busy summer for our family... we just returned from a medical mission trip to Guatemala and Honduras this past Monday. It was an amazing trip and such a blessing to see God at work there. While there, we received via email the news we had been waiting for... all of our documents were signed and we were officially accepted to adopt our daughter!

Our daughter is 13 years old and currently living in Texas, but is from Ethiopia. We are adopting her out of the foster care system. Yesterday we were able to talk with her on the phone and it was so precious! I just wanted to reach through the phone and hug her! At the end of our conversation we were able to exchange phone numbers, so last night we texted each other 'good night'. My heart melted this morning when I received a text saying, "good morning mom!". I just can't wait to bring her home!

We are flying down to spend the weekend with her next weekend and then she will be brought up to her new home in Michigan a few days after that... we are thrilled and thanking God for His goodness!!

Approved in our state... on to the next

Today was a great day concerning all of our paperwork! Our Home study had been completed in Michigan a few weeks ago, and we were just waiting on the criminal clearances. Mine came back within a few weeks, but Mike's took about 7 weeks. We were anxious to get them so that we could have final approval in Michigan and then turn everything in to our agency in Texas for approval there. God is good and his timing is always perfect! Everything came in today and we mailed it all down to Texas AND we received a current photo of our daughter – she is beautiful! We can't wait to meet her!

"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it surely will take place. It will not be delayed." ~ Habakkuk 2:3

"Scared" by Tom Davis

Since I have been so impacted by two of Tom Davis's books, Fields of the Fatherless and Red Letters, I am anxious to read his latest novel, Scared.

An excerpt from an interview with Tom Davis...

My passion is driven from the core belief that not only can everyone in the West do something to help children trapped in poverty, they must. God’s kingdom comes when God’s people tackle issues like these and change the circumstances because of their love. We are the answer, that’s why we must act.

You can order Scared here.

God's Timing

I can't even believe that we are at the point that I am able to blog and tell people that we are in the process of adopting! This all started back in 2007, after God grabbed ahold of my heart in a big way. It was adoption month and I had listened to interviews all month long on Focus of the Family, an interview in particular with Steven Curtis Chapman. I had also just finished reading Tom Davis' book, "Fields of the Fatherless" (which shines a bright light on the true meaning of living out the Gospel – God commands us to care for those who desperately need provision and protection: the orphan, the stranger and the widow). My great friend, Kathy, and I met for breakfast one morning in November '07 and I think we stayed talking in that booth until lunchtime. Both of us had felt the call to adopt an orphan and were comparing notes and so excited about what God was going to do. We both knew that God had called us to an older child, but had no idea the route he would use to get us there. In a very short time after that breakfast meeting, Kathy and her family discovered their route: God had led them to adopt a sibling group of 3 teens from Ethiopia. Their story can be read here: The Wolfe children came home in Nov. 2008, and we love them as family!

God was slower in showing us the route he would use for us, but everything began to unfold just last month when we visited the Wolfe family over spring break. I can't share all of the details yet, but I can say that I am confident that God's hand is in this!
"Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not." Jeremiah 33:3

We have completed our home study which included our FBI fingerprinting, doctor records for the family, vet records for the pets, bank records, biographies, floor plans of our home, etc. We need to be approved in Michigan and the state we are adopting out of, so it takes a bit longer, but everything has actually moved along very quickly.

I am reminded again and again that God is always in control and his timing is always perfect!